Soccer, Undercuts & Finding Love on Ancestry Dot Com
Today, we've got a mini story about how Weston Met M, from our episode "Queer in the Classroom", some hemming and hawing about hair cuts, and Justin, Nikki, Seth, and Weston talk about racism and misogyny in the queer communities.
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In this episode
How Weston Met M mini Story: 00:44
M and Edward Haircut Conversation: 02:39
Conversation About Racism and Misogyny: 05:06
Transcript
Seth (00:07):
All right, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today. Uh, this is our third installment of the Sunday Brunch Series.
Weston (00:13):
Yep, yep.
Seth (00:14):
Um.
Weston (00:14):
We've got a little mini story for you today about my very first time meeting M from our last episode, Queer in the Classroom. I met M at Varsity Gay Soccer League. It was my very first time playing soccer and it was M's first time too. I had never been on a sports team before, and um, seeing M on the field, was honestly really inspiring. She was forced to be reckoned with. And so I've got a little recording here of me telling M about my very first impressions of her.
Weston (00:44):
I have this really vivid memory of you from soccer of just like really fearlessly, just like running after people who are literally twice as tall as you. And just, um, just like stealing the ball from them.
M (01:08):
(laughs).
Weston (01:10):
And it was so, it was so incredible, and I would, I would watch M- and I'd be like, "I need to be that fearless."
M (01:16):
(laughs).
Weston (01:17):
Like, I cannot let these people who are like, around my same height.
Edward (01:21):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (01:21):
Like intimidate me the way they do. I have to just like, be like, M- and just like get the ball. Um, and I just, I don't know. I just, I just, I love thinking about you going after the ball. It's one of, it's one of my favorite things.
M (01:34):
I'm so happy with you-
Weston (01:35):
It was so amazing.
M (01:35):
To think about that.
Weston (01:37):
You were also so-
Edward (01:38):
She's so brave.
Weston (01:38):
Nice and supportive. And I also like we're on different teams. We're often competing against one another.
Seth (01:43):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (01:43):
And, and M- is still just like from the sidelines being like, "Weston, that was awesome.
M (01:48):
(laughs)
Weston (01:50):
And like, what I did is I like touched the ball for a little bit. Like I touched the ball.
M (01:53):
And, and it was amazing.
Nikki (01:53):
He like came in here and felt shit and you were like, "Yes." (laughs).
Weston (01:59):
And M- is just so excited for me. And uh, I don't know. It was just really lovely.
M (02:02):
Yeah.
Weston (02:02):
Yeah.
M (02:03):
I mean, like, I feel like some people, not that you need to be cheered on, but like, if it's like your first time playing soccer.
Weston (02:09):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
M (02:10):
Like it's really scary. Like I was scared even though I looked fearless, I was still scared. (laughs).
Weston (02:14):
I was always terrified until I got on the field.
M (02:17):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (02:17):
Um, I always, I always just had so much fun when we were there. Everyone was really supportive.
M (02:20):
Yeah.
Weston (02:20):
Um, and I don't know. Yeah. I think until the very final game that's when things felt like a little bit tense.
M (02:27):
Oh, really?
Weston (02:28):
'Cause the championships were on the line or whatever.
M (02:29):
(laughs).
Nikki (02:29):
Sports.
Seth (02:39):
We also have another clip from that episode, featuring M and Edward where M asks Edward, what, if anything, he would change about her appearance.
M (02:58):
And my last one is my fun one. What's the one improvement I could make to my personal appearance?
Edward (03:00):
(laughs).
M (03:03):
Do you have any thoughts on that?
Edward (03:04):
Oh, I have so many thoughts.
M (03:04):
Really?
Edward (03:08):
Um, (laughs) I don't know. I feel like-
M (03:13):
Okay.
Edward (03:16):
You're in like a certain phase right now.
M (03:19):
Yeah.
Edward (03:19):
As you always are. Either, it's lemon dress.
M (03:24):
Yeah.
Edward (03:25):
[inaudible 00:03:25] Reformation. Like very femme phase-
M (03:27):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Edward (03:27):
In some ways, but I don't know. (laughs) I feel like, yeah, you, you just have a lot of fun and you're like experimenting, but I don't know what I would change about you. (laughs)
M (03:42):
I've gone through a lot. So you've already seen me through a lot.
Edward (03:46):
Yeah. Um, I feel like you should try another haircut.
M (03:51):
(laughs).
Edward (03:53):
I know you've tried so many.
M (03:54):
I cannot.
Edward (03:58):
And when the time is right, I feel like you could experiment with something else.
M (04:02):
Yeah, okay.
Edward (04:02):
'Cause you've, you've wanted to do things, you wanted to dye your hair, you wanted to like-
M (04:07):
Oh, yeah.
Edward (04:08):
You wanted to like get an undercut or like all these things.
M (04:11):
Yeah.
Edward (04:12):
But I just feel like you've said, try one of them.
M (04:16):
Yeah. I feel like you do think that actually. You told me other, the other day you were like, "You should dye your hair gray if you really want to. Like, don't let anyone stop you."
Edward (04:24):
I know. (laughs) She like told her family and they were like, "Well, why are you doing that? Like that's ridiculous."
Weston (04:30):
(laughs)
M (04:32):
And the real reason I didn't do it, was 'cause it was so expensive. So I was like, "No," but.
Weston (04:35):
It is really expensive.
M (04:38):
That's a good point. I definitely need my time on that. Like, I definitely need to like sit with this-
Edward (04:43):
Okay, I understand.
M (04:44):
Like regular hair.
Edward (04:45):
You'll have all this history with hair, but-
M (04:48):
With my hair. Thank you for that.
Edward (04:52):
Thank you.
M (04:53):
I know you'll support me through that when it comes.
Weston (05:06):
We've also got, um, in the last episode queer in the classroom, we had uh, a little conversation about inclusion and exclusion in the queer communities. We focused that conversation primarily on gender. Um, but we also had a whole another conversation as our co-hosts about race and inclusion and execution. It's very much the Portland experience anyways. So uh, here's the conversation. It's uh, got some good stuff in it.
Weston (05:31):
Um, one, this is I think the most difficult thing to talk about, um, as part of this episode, but it's just something that I've been thinking about a lot for the last like year honestly. It's sort of, and I really only have an experience of this in Portland, 'cause Portland is the only queer community I've ever been a part of, but this like really segregated queer community that is in Portland and it's segregated across so many different lines. Um, and those lines can get really minute, they can be down to like whether or not you have body hair or not.
Seth (06:13):
Yeah. It's cliques.
Edward (06:15):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (06:15):
Um, and it is. It's very, it can be very cliquey. And, um, two of the relationship stories we're telling in this episode are relationships between people who are, are bridging divides between like different queer factions.
Nikki (06:26):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (06:27):
And I think that's really cool.
Justin (06:30):
Well, it's funny that you bring this up actually. Uh, well, I mean, this might be just a little Portland centric. I don't know how much this will uh, translate to other areas, but I often talk with my friends about this idea of inclusivity versus exclusivity.
Seth (06:41):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (06:42):
And I think that in the area, like in this area, folks consider themselves very progressive. And so it's easy to be like, "Oh, I'm so inclusive. But then you spend any time around like the queer community and you quickly realize absolutely not. It's the exact opposite. It's the most exclusive area actually I think I've seen in anywhere, you know. Like in California I could be around like my straight friends, my boyfriends, my parents friends. Like you could do all these different things together, but out here, I don't know. Again, I don't know if it's a Portland thing or whatever, but it's, it does seem to be much more exclusive and divided in that way.
Nikki (07:15):
It's just to me, this is like such a white people thing. Like I don't, I with the queer community that I come from in the Midwest is one very much of like, "We're all we got."
Justin (07:26):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (07:27):
I don't give a shit. Like if you're not straight and cis, or even if like, you're just not straight, you know?
Seth (07:33):
If you are one thing-
Nikki (07:34):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Seth (07:34):
One step away like, you're like perfect.
Nikki (07:37):
It's, it's just like if you are not a cis, if you are not a cisgender straight person, you are here. Like you're in it, there's one gay bar in an alley. Like that's it. Like seriously, that's what, that's the only thing we have.
Seth (07:47):
Yeah.
Nikki (07:48):
And then you come here and you're like, look at all these opportunities that have opened for me. But what happens is almost like a class system kind of thing. And, and it's super frustrating because Portland out to an outsider's perspective, Portland is like this melting pot of everyone has a bunch of different friends from a bunch of different, different places. And it's just not true. If you branch out of your group, a lot of times you're fucking shamed for it. And that is shitty.
Seth (08:16):
Yeah.
Justin (08:16):
I think you hit the nail that had, like, I like also, I think about this concept of a, a homogenous culture, you know, and you look at the demographics of this area and it's very homogenous. And I think that that's what breeds these things where it's like, I'm expecting growth. If I'm a person who lived here my entire life, I grew up in an area where it's like, everyone on my street probably looks just like me, probably came from the same socioeconomic background. And so when you see anything that deviates from that, it's like, "Oh my gosh, I've got to get back to my paradigm," you know? And I think that that's what kind of, it's one of the catalysts that creates these, these boundaries.
Nikki (08:46):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (08:46):
Yeah.
Weston (08:48):
It's probably also worthwhile to note that the two relationships that kind of bridge these boundaries that are on this episode, um, are not, none of them are from Portland.
Justin (08:57):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (08:59):
I find that often.
Seth (09:00):
Well I think that-
Nikki (09:01):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (09:01):
Yeah. Like I think that, that, that kind of comes from the fact that Portland has this crazy history of being like certainly racist. And like, it hasn't changed. Like-
Justin (09:10):
Right.
Seth (09:11):
Portland is still very racist. Like, let me say that again, Portland is still incredibly racist.
Justin (09:16):
Very.
Nikki (09:16):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (09:16):
And that does not just stop at the straight community. Like that is fully integrated into the queer community here.
Weston (09:22):
Well, I just find it, I mean, it's, it's race and it's, um, it's-
Seth (09:27):
It's like body, it's gender.
Weston (09:28):
Gender expression.
Seth (09:29):
Expression, yeah.
Weston (09:30):
I mean-
Justin (09:30):
You know it's funny, I sometimes think I, sometimes (laughs) that straight people are almost a little bit further down the path of like integrating different types of things, than the queer community is, which is really kind of like a, like a mind fucking in that way. You know?
Seth (09:46):
You know, actually that kinda makes sense to me. 'Cause I feel like there's this thing that happens a lot of the time with people that feel like they have seen more or done more like growth, they come to the realize-
Justin (09:57):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (09:57):
Or they, they come to this, this point where they think that they are done.
Edward (10:01):
Right, right.
Seth (10:01):
They think that they've, they've done their work. Um, and I think that that's, that's something that happens a lot in the queer community because we've been prosecuted, we've like had to do a little bit of work there. And so we seem to think that we're just done. Like, we're good. Like obviously, like I'm fine because I've, done like some work around this trauma, but no we haven't.
Justin (10:22):
Right. I, I can't be racist 'cause I'm queer. Dah. You know like obviously.
Seth (10:25):
Obviously, yeah.
Justin (10:25):
Right, right. (laughs).
Weston (10:29):
When I was in high school, I had a group of queer friends and neither one, not, not none of us were out really at that point, but after we left high school, it kind of became, like we, each one of us sort of one by one came out and it turned out we were all just queer and together-
Seth (10:43):
My friendship-
Weston (10:44):
And we found each other in high school, you know?
Seth (10:45):
Yeah, same.
Weston (10:46):
And I had a really, like I, I had, I had really, really meaningful and valuable friendships with, um, with like queer women and in Portland, I do not.
Justin (10:59):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (11:00):
And there's not only that, but like meeting queer women in Portland is not something that just happens. Like I, I don't, I'm trying to understand why I can't go to a queer space anywhere in Portland. And like find more than like one or two queer women there.
Nikki (11:15):
See, I have-
Seth (11:16):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (11:16):
I have that exact same experience, but as a queer female bodied person.
Weston (11:21):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (11:21):
I love CC Slaughters.
Weston (11:23):
Hmm.
Nikki (11:23):
I love going there, I love dancing. I love drag so much and I don't go there anymore.
Weston (11:30):
Hmm.
Seth (11:30):
Hmm.
Weston (11:30):
And it's because I walk in and queer male presenting male, identifying people are so mean to me in there.
Justin (11:40):
Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (11:40):
There's, there's an unbelievable amount of misogyny. And the queer men all-
Justin (11:43):
It's incredible, it's intense.
Seth (11:43):
It's so upsetting.
Justin (11:46):
Yeah.
Nikki (11:46):
And it's, it's ridiculous.
Weston (11:46):
It's so upsetting. In some ways it's like, I've heard, I've heard some critical commentators call like queer man, like the perfect misogynistic culture.
Nikki (11:52):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Edward (11:52):
Ooh.
Weston (11:54):
Because they don't, I mean-
Nikki (11:55):
And it's, and it's all, God, there's like so much to unpack with that-
Weston (11:58):
Yeah.
Nikki (11:58):
Because when you talk about like femininity within queer men and how it's presented and like-
Seth (12:03):
Yeah.
Weston (12:03):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (12:04):
Oh my God, and then culture stealing.
Justin (12:05):
Appropriation times a million.
Nikki (12:05):
Exactly!
Justin (12:05):
Yeah.
Nikki (12:05):
Yeah.
Justin (12:05):
Exactly, it's unreal.
Nikki (12:10):
Oh, God. Anyway, I feel like the moral of the story is if you ever think you're, you're done learning something or growing that, like you fucked up right there.
Justin (12:17):
Yep, yep.
Seth (12:18):
That, that better be the day you die.
Edward (12:19):
Right!? (Laughs).
Nikki (12:19):
You can't, you can't just wear your queerness as a badge and be like, "See, I'm one of the minorities."
Justin (12:26):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
M (12:26):
"I am exempt from you guys calling me out."
Weston (12:29):
Yeah.
Seth (12:29):
Seriously.
M (12:29):
I am exempt from you all calling me out.
Weston (12:30):
Yeah.
Seth (12:30):
Yeah.
Nikki (12:31):
Dude, like you can't do that. And I know, I know somebody who is a cis male, white, queer.
Seth (12:37):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (12:38):
And he uses that queerness a lot as this kind of like "Poor me. I'm queer."
Justin (12:44):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (12:45):
"And I'm WOKE."
Justin (12:46):
Well, yeah.
Nikki (12:48):
So, so I have it figured out, you know?
Seth (12:50):
Yeah.
Nikki (12:50):
And it's just not true. It's, it's simply untrue.
Seth (12:53):
Well and there's a lot of, like that's, that's a lot of the reason why you see a lot of those like white gay jokes, right? Like there's a reason.
Nikki (13:00):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (13:00):
If you go outside of the, the white gay uh, subculture, you'll find it everywhere.
Nikki (13:06):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (13:06):
My favorite-
Seth (13:07):
'Cause generally we're a problem.
Justin (13:07):
My favorite is uh, I don't use Grindr, I use spend Ancestry.com.
Nikki (13:10):
(laughs) Oh, my God.
Justin (13:10):
It's amazing, it's amazing. Oh, my God.
Seth (13:10):
I have never seen that.
Justin (13:10):
It's so good.
Seth (13:10):
I love that. That's so good.
Weston (13:21):
I just, I just actually screamed.
Nikki (13:22):
Wow. (laughs).
Seth (13:25):
You definitely capped our audio there. It's okay, it's fine.
Nikki (13:34):
Woah.
Seth (13:34):
(laughs) That's fantastic.
Nikki (13:34):
That's incredible.
Seth (13:34):
Holy shit.
Weston (13:34):
Yeah.
Seth (13:34):
Oh my God.
Nikki (13:34):
Anyway, I mean we could-
Weston (13:34):
I don't even know how we'll recover from that joke. (laughs) I'm like-
Nikki (13:36):
That's incredible, that's incredible.
Weston (13:38):
My mind is blank now, I'm just blank.
Seth (13:39):
I think we did. (laughs).
Justin (13:42):
What's interesting too because like in the, like in other segment of work that I do is like, it's very much around like, uh, like racial equity, diversity and inclusion within corporate spaces. But one of the big things that we found and in that particular segment, I think it does translate to the queer world as well is that, often um, folks will move to Portland. I'm like Portland has been this destination city for so long. Um, but the other piece of this, this picture that people don't see is uh, a lot of people leave Portland.
Weston (14:04):
Hmm.
Seth (14:04):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (14:05):
Like they'll be here for a year or two and they'll be like, "You know what? I actually just could not literally just find a group of people and give a bucket on it."
Seth (14:11):
Yeah.
Weston (14:11):
Yeah.
Justin (14:11):
You know and it's-
Nikki (14:12):
Somebody, oh, sorry.
Justin (14:13):
No, no, no. I'm good.
M (14:13):
Somebody told me not long after I moved here and I've been here for coming up on 10 years.
Seth (14:18):
Hmm.
Nikki (14:18):
They were like, "Portland is a transplant city."
Seth (14:20):
Yeah.
Justin (14:20):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (14:20):
"You come and you go."
Seth (14:21):
Yeah.
Nikki (14:21):
"You come here to figure something out and then you leave as soon as you get it." Like a lot of (laughs).
Seth (14:25):
Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (14:26):
Yeah.
Nikki (14:26):
And it's, it's shitty, but it's, it's, it's kind of true-
Seth (14:30):
And it-
Nikki (14:30):
'Cause what, it's just what happens with a lot of white people, including me admittedly, Portland seemed like a Haven.
Seth (14:36):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (14:36):
And then it took me a couple of years to figure out that Portland is actually really dangerous for a lot of people.
Seth (14:42):
Yeah.
Justin (14:42):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (14:43):
And the culture of Portland is very dangerous for a lot of people.
Seth (14:45):
And a lot of that's coming out into the light right now, like with, with everything that's going on like politically and racially just, there's so much coming to light that a lot of people didn't get, that didn't-
Justin (15:00):
Was not on the surface in that way. Yeah, yeah.
Seth (15:01):
Exactly. Yeah. Like it's, it's stuff that was easy to ignore for a lot of subcultures.
Nikki (15:06):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (15:06):
Yeah. This is what I'll say. We talked about the Cheeto, but the Cheeto brought it all to the surface.
Seth (15:11):
Yeah. It was all in there.
Justin (15:12):
You know, it was always there or? Yeah.
Seth (15:12):
It was all in the woodwork, it was all in the woodwork. It's just coming out now.
Nikki (15:15):
Would you argue that that was something he did right?
Justin (15:18):
I would argue that it's, you know, it may not be the, the president that America want, but it's the president that America deserved.
Nikki (15:24):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (15:25):
Absolutely.
Nikki (15:25):
You're fucking right with that.
Justin (15:28):
(laughs).
Nikki (15:28):
And people are using that with Joe Biden. But the other way.
Justin (15:32):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (15:32):
Yeah.
Nikki (15:32):
It's like, we don't deserve him, but we fucking need him right now.
Seth (15:35):
Yeah.
Nikki (15:36):
And, and it's really interesting to think about, to think about 45 like that, and be like, "You know what? We kinda needed to have our shit called out."
Seth (15:45):
Yeah.
Justin (15:45):
Right, right.
Nikki (15:45):
Like all you fucking people, who have been these covert racist or these covert-
Justin (15:49):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (15:49):
Misogynistic, or you fucking turfs who are here in Portland.
Justin (15:52):
(laughs) Right, right.
Seth (15:52):
Yeah.
Nikki (15:52):
Everybody thinks that you're an amazing feminist and you hate trans people. Like it's time to like bubble you up to the surface-
Seth (15:59):
Yeah.
Nikki (15:59):
And then beat you up.
Justin (16:03):
Mm-hmm (affirmative), right. Okay, yeah literally, literally.
Seth (16:03):
Punch a Nazis and punch a terf.
Edward (16:04):
(laughs). Right.
Nikki (16:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Weston (16:07):
So I love all this discussion. Um, and it's probably gonna go on our Patreon, because who doesn't wanna listen to us talk about punching Nazis on our Patreon.
Justin (16:14):
Oh, right.
Nikki (16:14):
Yeah, this is great Patreon.
Seth (16:14):
Yeah.
Justin (16:14):
That's, that's the gold content right here.
M (16:14):
Yeah.
Weston (16:16):
Yeah. Um, and a lot of, a lot this is gonna go on the queer friendship episode. But going back to, um, the relationships that we're telling in this queer friendship episode, I think one of the things that-
Seth (16:29):
Oh right, we had a topic. (laughs)
Weston (16:32):
One of the things that, um, we were just talking about sort of like the lack of inclusion particularly of like female body or, or, or women, female, women queer women.
Nikki (16:43):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (16:43):
Group setting, right.
Weston (16:44):
Um, in queer spaces in Portland-
Nikki (16:47):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (16:47):
And how they're often not welcome. But I find that like these two relationships that are between like a, a queer male bodied person and a queer female bodied person, there's so much strength in their relationship. And I have also felt that myself was like a really good friend I have from, from college who is, um, as self-identifying dyke. And, um-
Justin (17:13):
Gotta reclaim it.
Nikki (17:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Weston (17:14):
I just-
Justin (17:14):
Gotta be claim it.
Weston (17:15):
I just, I just miss it. I just like, I miss her. And I miss having that kind of relationship in my life and listening to these stories just made me realize, like, what are really important and like special bond that is to have sort of like queer solidarity between-
Nikki (17:31):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (17:31):
People who don't actually share like identical queer identities.
Seth (17:34):
Yeah. W-L-W, M-L-M.
Weston (17:36):
Yeah.
Seth (17:36):
Solidarity.
Nikki (17:37):
Yeah. I mean, my, my brother is queer and as soon as he came out, it was like best friends.
Seth (17:43):
That's exactly what happened with my sister.
Justin (17:45):
Right, right.
Nikki (17:45):
Yeah. It's like-
Seth (17:45):
Yeah.
Nikki (17:46):
And like, and the, the male bodied or male identifying queer people I know, some of those relationships are like the, the strongest or they are the longest.
Justin (17:55):
It's so funny you say that because exactly what I was thinking is the, a topic I've thought of um, quite often actually, is that the big difference with like queer people versus like other disenfranchised populations, is that we are not necessarily connected with like our family. Right. So if I talk about race, it's like, okay, my entire family experiences the same type of experience. But as queer people, we might be the only person, we might be sidled in that, siloed in that way.
Justin (18:19):
And I think that that's part of what kind of propagates this division that happens is that, we weren't embedded with like, you know, yes, I am a black person, but I know that through just being a black person in my own family dynamic-
Nikki (18:32):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (18:32):
We all experience this differently.
Nikki (18:34):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (18:34):
You know, and we can connect, we can, you know, kind of get that broader picture of things within that context, but queer people don't necessarily have that.
Weston (18:42):
Yeah.
Nikki (18:42):
Yeah. And like sexuality and identity, is not always something that you can just see right away. And, uh, I think that a lot of times, like, I have a friend, who I had a friend not too long ago who told me she was queer and I didn't know it at all. And I was like, so happy because I know, I know, like on a certain level, we are going to understand each other in this really-
Seth (19:08):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (19:09):
Deep rooted way that like, you, you can't see that, you know. Like, it, it, it, it's just, yeah. I don't know. I just thought of that.
Seth (19:17):
No, no.
Justin (19:19):
Yeah. No, I love that.
Seth (19:19):
It's one of those things where you're just like, "Oh, I vibe that, but-"
Nikki (19:22):
Yeah.
Seth (19:22):
"I don't actually have any words for it."
Nikki (19:23):
Yeah.
Seth (19:24):
It's just like, "Yeah, yeah."
M (19:24):
Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. This is so true.
Weston (19:26):
I also, I know that when I came to Portland, I am definitely the only like queer person in my family. Um, and I didn't really have a queer community anywhere in the world until I came to Portland. And when I finally sort of like found queer friends who were like primarily, um, like male bodied, male identifying gay guys in Portland, I was so hungry to share experiences and space-
Seth (19:57):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (19:57):
With people who understood me, because I'd never, I'd never been in a household before where, where I could walk in. And every single person there-
Justin (20:06):
Right, was queer.
Weston (20:07):
Knew who I was.
Nikki (20:08):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Seth (20:08):
Right, right.
Nikki (20:08):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Weston (20:09):
Without even me having to like explain it to them.
Seth (20:10):
Hmm.
Weston (20:11):
And that was such like a powerful healing experience for me. And now like five years later after entering you know Portland, like queer community and realizing that, like everything we've been saying, like, there's so much segregation and there's so much division and there's so much misogyny and like there's not-
Seth (20:30):
And exclusivity.
Weston (20:30):
There's exclusivity, there's not inclusivity. And, um, there's so much about like this group of friends that I have, who I love so, so much, and who like brought so much joy and love into my life that is also like limiting.
Nikki (20:47):
So I think that's-
Weston (20:48):
And-
Nikki (20:48):
Oh, sorry, go ahead.
Weston (20:48):
No, go ahead.
Nikki (20:49):
I think that, I think that is the trap that we have to be very mindful of.
Justin (20:54):
Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (20:54):
When we come from a place that is very limiting for us in our identities and our sexualities. And we moved to a place that is very opening and accepting and welcoming. Naturally, you are going to gravitate toward the people who are most similar to you.
Seth (21:09):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (21:10):
Which makes total sense-
Weston (21:11):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Nikki (21:11):
'Cause that is what you feel safest with, but you have to not get comfortable with that and you have to be willing to, okay. You know, you have to identify when you feel safe and when you are ready to start like diversifying-
Seth (21:25):
Expanding.
Nikki (21:25):
Your friend group, because I like, I totally understand you can come here. It's very overwhelming. You gravitate toward your safety people. You build up those relationships, you discover yourself, but you have to progress that further.
Seth (21:36):
Yeah, you, you've gotta be-
Justin (21:36):
That is the lesson.
M (21:36):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (21:39):
That is the lesson.
M (21:40):
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Justin (21:40):
Yeah.
Seth (21:40):
Yeah. And like you've, you've gotta really be willing to look inward and confront your own biases with that.
Weston (21:45):
Yeah. All right. That's our episode. Thanks so much for listening you coffee clubbers and brunch buddies, and have a good Sunday. Have a good Sunday.
Seth (22:02):
Have a good Sunday.
Weston (22:02):
Have a good Sunday.
Seth (22:03):
Hey, it's Sunday, have a good one.
Weston (22:05):
Happy Sunday.
Seth (22:06):
Good Sundaying.
Weston (22:06):
(laughs) Okay. Yeah, I think that's, we're gonna end. That's it.
Credits
Executive Producer: Weston Anderson
Writer: Weston Anderson
Audio Engineer and Editor: Seth Goshorn
Hosts: Justin Wayne Peters, Nikki Burian, Seth Goshorn, Weston Anderson
Storytellers: Weston Anderson, M, and Edward
Music: Whispering through - Asura
Air Hockey Saloon - Chris Zabriskie