Adults Make Friends

Nov 26

Making friends as an adult is notoriously difficult. Work and commitments to romantic partners and family tend to push making new friends down our list of priorities. On top of that, meeting new people is hard. Making a lasting connection is even harder. New relationships, including friendships, take work. You have to log hours together. You have to make getting to know that person a priority. And you have to have something in common that draws you together. Today, we have two stories of friends finding each other in adulthood.

In this episode

Nakoa & Jacob’s Story: 01:21

Stacey & Elizabeth’s Story: 15:00

Transcript

Weston (00:08):

Hello, hello, everyone and Happy Thanksgiving. We are so thankful that you are choosing to spend part of your holiday with us here at Queer Meets Queer. Shout out to my grandma who always listens. I love you, Grandma Lois! Happy Thanksgiving.

Weston (00:23):

Weston (00:56):

Today, we have two stories of friends finding each other in adulthood. First up, is Nakoa and Jacob. A little note about this recording, we recorded it in Jacob's backyard. Uh, he has a little pond with a waterfall in it so you can hear the waterfall in the background. Uh, he also has some wind chimes hanging up in his trees and so you can hear those occasionally. Uh, yeah, just be aware.

Seth (01:21):

Nakoa and Jacob have flown in the same circles for years. But when they both went through separate divorces in 2018, their friendship became closer.

Jacob (01:39):

I'm Jacob. And Weston and I go back a few years. Nakoa and I go back a few years longer probably and, uh, yeah. I, uh, I grew up in Montana and Arizona. I've been in Portland, like, 15 years and it's a great place to be with great people, including, including these, these fellows, so...

Weston (01:54):

Nice.

Jacob (01:55):

Yeah.

Nakoa (01:56):

And, uh, this is Nakoa Gos. Known Weston for a while. He used to live with me. And then Jacob a long time, as we'll probably get to shortly. I'm, uh, from Hawaii. I actually came up to Portland in 2007. Went to Portland State University.

Weston (02:08):

We met in, I think it was October 2016. Y'all were having a barbecue or something?

Jacob (02:15):

Mm.

Weston (02:16):

And I got an invite somehow.

Jacob (02:18):

Yes.

Weston (02:18):

Uh, and I, I showed up, and I knew, I didn't know anybody who was at this party. It was terrifying.

Jacob (02:24):

(laughs)

Weston (02:25):

And, honestly, like, I just, I fell in love with all of y'all.

Jacob (02:28):

Aw.

Weston (02:28):

You guys just really, it was clear you really cared about each other and I never really been to like a queer community before, like been to like a, a big queer party and I, I felt, I mean it was scary 'cause I didn't know anybody, but I also felt really comfortable. And I just kind of like, refused to go away. (laughs)

Jacob (02:44):

(laughs)

Nakoa (02:44):

(laughs)

Jacob (02:47):

That's perfect.

Weston (02:48):

Yeah. Sorta.

Jacob (02:48):

Um.

Weston (02:48):

Yeah, so definitely, backing up in time 'cause y'all knew each other before I knew any, either of you. So, how did you meet?

Jacob (02:54):

So, we actually met this, Christopher R., He, uh, invited us, me and my ex now, Jackson, to this party at our friend, Pic's house up in Northwest Portland. And Christopher invited us there and Nakoa was there along with his then at-the-time, I think you guys were like just barely boyfriends.

Nakoa (03:11):

Y-yeah, we were just starting to date. I don't think we were actually official yet.

Jacob (03:16):

Yeah.

Nakoa (03:16):

We might've been official, but I'm not sure.

Jacob (03:18):

This was like 2011 probably.

Nakoa (03:19):

2011, so it's been almost nine years now.

Jacob (03:22):

Yeah.

Nakoa (03:22):

One thing that kinda got me interested in hanging out with Jacob was marijuana.

Jacob (03:28):

(laughs)

Nakoa (03:29):

'Cause like, literally started talking outside like, "Hey. Um, y-you're outside smoking and I wanted to smoke," so we kind of like...

Jacob (03:36):

"Yeah. Let's tokus pokus. C'mon."

Nakoa (03:40):

Yeah. (laughs) Good ole time.

Jacob (03:41):

Little bonding moment.

Weston (03:41):A

What were some of your, like, first impressions of each other?

Jacob (03:46):

I really just, your positivity just, I-I just, I-I like, I really kinda gravitate towards people who are positive and like, smiley and friendly and that's definitely Nakoa, you know.

Weston (03:55):

Hm.

Jacob (03:56):

Smiley and friendly fella, so...

Nakoa (03:58):

I enjoy Jacob's energy and t-the ability to just have fun at any moment.

Weston (04:03):

But what happened next? Did you start hanging out or...?

Jacob (04:06):

We... We went on a few trips together, like, th-the Seattle Pride.

Nakoa (04:11):

Yeah.

Jacob (04:11):

Like, early on.

Nakoa (04:12):

Y-you signed up for softball, you-

Jacob (04:14):

Softball was a, a defining moment in-

Nakoa (04:16):

Yeah.

Jacob (04:16):

- Our friendship 'cause yeah, we...

Nakoa (04:18):

My ex was playing softball. Jacob was playing softball as well-well.

Jacob (04:21):

The Honey Badgers.

Nakoa (04:22):

Yeah. That was a fun group.

Jacob (04:23):

Yeah. It was good. I hate softball.

Nakoa (04:25):

(laughs)

Jacob (04:26):

Not gonna lie, but... I like, sometimes I wake up on Sundays and I'm like, "Oh my god. My prayers have been answered. I don't have to frickin' drive through goddamn traffic to go to softball practice or softball games. Oh, my dear god."

Nakoa (04:38):

(laughs)

Jacob (04:38):

I was awful. Awful.

Weston (04:40):

But you were friends right away?

Nakoa (04:42):

Not like we talked all the, all the time, no. You know, just kind of see each other at parties and-

Jacob (04:48):

Well, I remember the last, when we very first met, one of the first times, uh, one of the first things we did was we went to yours and James' apartment, um, and we played this like Jenga game where you wrote like really dirty-

Nakoa (04:59):

(laughs)

Jacob (04:59):

- Like nasty stuff on Jenga blocks.

Nakoa (05:00):

Oh my god.

Jacob (05:01):

It, it was like a bachelor party, I think, or something or...?

Nakoa (05:03):

No. It was just, it was like, we had just a small gathering and I don't remember whose idea it was, but we gave everybody a Sharpie to just write on the Jenga piece, something like a Truth or Dare. And so, i-it's, you know, put a bunch of men in-in a room and what comes a result of that.

Jacob (05:24):

Sickening.

Nakoa (05:24):

(laughs)

Jacob (05:27):

(laughs) Um, and then, and then Nicole was like, "Oh yeah. We're, we're neighbors with the Mayor of Portland," and I was like, "God, you're so fancy." And then they had, they had these little like-

Nakoa (05:33):

Oh yeah.

Jacob (05:34):

[crosstalk 00:05:34] these little bebop and little sea critters going around his aquarium.

Nakoa (05:38):

Oh god. Did I have any shrimp at the time?

Jacob (05:39):

Your little shrimpies. Yeah. You had shrimp.

Nakoa (05:41):

Oh god. Can I go off on a little tangent about shrimp?

Weston (05:43):

Yes, please.

Nakoa (05:44):

Okay, so, um, as a kid, so I'm from Hawaii, I'd always look at these areas along the coastline where the lava tubes would be. So, you get your fresh water from the mountains and the sea water from the ocean and it's a little bit of a brackish water and it's the habitat for the shrimps called opae ula, it's a Native Hawaiian shrimp. Anyways, I'd keep them as pets, they lived about 20 years, they don't need a filter, they don't need a heater, you don't feed them, they just... Put a light timer on them and they're good to go and they're fun to watch. (laughs)

Weston (06:12):

(laughs)

Jacob (06:12):

(laughs)

Nakoa (06:13):

They're like sea monkeys, it's great.

Jacob (06:14):

They are very cute, yeah.

Nakoa (06:15):

Um, one defining moment, I think in our friendship was violin lessons.

Jacob (06:22):

Oh, yeah.

Nakoa (06:23):

(laughs)

Weston (06:23):

You took violin? Oh, I, f-you play the violin and the viola, don't you, Jacob?

Jacob (06:27):

Yeah. Yeah.

Nakoa (06:29):

There's not many dentists that play the viola and that are gay. (laughs)

Jacob (06:33):

There's three of us that I know of.

Weston (06:35):

This is a fact that's so unbelievable to me that I, like, shove it out of my mind.

Nakoa (06:38):

(laughs)

Jacob (06:38):

(laughs)

Weston (06:38):

Because I, I play the viola. I do.

Jacob (06:41):

I remember that. Yes. [crosstalk 00:06:43]

Weston (06:43):

I, I played for, all throughout college.

Jacob (06:45):

Yes.

Weston (06:45):

Um.

Jacob (06:46):

I see a jam session in our future.

Weston (06:48):

I know. We really should. Um, viola jam session. And the fact that I could meet anyone who plays the viola 'cause nobody plays this instrument-

Jacob (06:57):

I know!

Weston (06:57):

- Is incredible. And the fact that you know three gay dentists in Portland.

Jacob (07:01):

Mine is literally hanging on my wall back here, so if you wanna hear any tunes, just let me know. I'm happy to, you know.

Weston (07:07):

I know that sounds like a possibility.

Jacob (07:08):

Th-think of your favorite Mi- favorite Miley Cyrus song, I'm, I'm there.

Weston (07:11):

Jacob, you gave violin lessons to Nakoa?

Jacob (07:16):

Yeah. Violin lessons.

Weston (07:17):

Violin is hard.

Jacob (07:17):

No, it's not.

Nakoa (07:17):

(laughs)

Weston (07:21):

Yeah. I mean it's like, it's a difficult instrument to teach and to learn.

Jacob (07:23):

Giving lessons is... It's a lot different than it's like playing 'cause, you know, sometimes you just go in your, you know, your man cave and make them screech and stuff. Kinda gotta fake it till you make it and be like, "Oh yeah. I know what I'm doing. I know how to teach this."

Weston (07:36):

(laughs)

Jacob (07:36):

"I can teach another human how to do this. It's a little different."

Nakoa (07:38):

(laughs)

Weston (07:38):

So, where did that stick out to you as something led to another?

Jacob (07:43):

Well, one thing led to another, it's violin lessons, so, you know.

Nakoa (07:45):

Yeah. Pretty much. (laughs)

Jacob (07:48):

(laughs)

Weston (07:48):

Is that like the first violin lesson or...?

Nakoa (07:50):

Solo, yeah.

Jacob (07:51):

Yeah.

Nakoa (07:52):

Yeah.

Weston (07:53):

Okay.

Nakoa (07:53):

It was actually after, I feel like, after James and I broke up.

Jacob (07:56):

Yeah.

Nakoa (07:58):

We had a good [crosstalk 00:07:58].

Jacob (07:58):

[crosstalk 00:07:58] from time to time after that.

Nakoa (07:58):

Yeah.

Jacob (07:59):

We were both going through a very interesting relation change, relationship change at the same time. We both kind of got divorced at the same time during-

Weston (08:05):

Oh.

Nakoa (08:05):

Yeah. I feel like we definitely bonded around the divorce, both of our divorces.

Weston (08:10):

Oh. So, the violin lesson was like kind of recent. It wasn't in 2011.

Jacob (08:14):

No. No. No. No.

Nakoa (08:15):

2018?

Weston (08:16):

Okay.

Jacob (08:17):

Yeah. Somewhere around there, yeah.

Weston (08:18):

So, let's backup and maybe talk about what was going on in 2018 that led to the violin lessons.

Jacob (08:24):

Well, violin lessons were just like a, you know, like a fun little, you know, gay handshake type deal, you know.

Weston (08:29):

Sure.

Jacob (08:30):

'Cause, you know, whoever, Portland's a small town. I don't know if you ever seen the Sniffies grids here, but you can, you can be like, "Eh, uh, I've, I've barked up that tree before," you know.

Weston (08:37):

Yeah.

Jacob (08:40):

(laughs) But it was a very, it was, it was a special violin lesson 'cause we were both going through, like, kind of a hard time and whatever and like, life's hard sometimes. We both had relationship problems and blah blah blah.

Nakoa (08:48):

So, I had a, uh, a relationship for about six and a half years and got married, got divorced, Jacob came to my wedding...

Jacob (08:57):

Yeah.

Nakoa (08:57):

It was a good wedding.

Jacob (08:58):

You told me when you were gonna propose.

Nakoa (09:00):

I did. Y-you were actually the second person that I told, um, you and, you and Jackson, well, I had Veronica with me shopping for rings.

Jacob (09:07):

Yeah.

Nakoa (09:07):

But you were so excited to, to like say something.

Jacob (09:11):

Yeah.

Nakoa (09:12):

Because it was hard to keep that secret. (laughs) Uh, but yeah, shortly proposed to James after that and then we had our wedding the next year, and...

Jacob (09:19):

Ep-ep-epic wedding. Poison Waters MCed.

Nakoa (09:22):

Yup.

Jacob (09:22):

Can't beat that.

Weston (09:23):

I was there.

Jacob (09:23):

Yeah. You just-

Nakoa (09:23):

It was a great wedding.

Jacob (09:23):

You can't, you can't beat that.

Weston (09:23):

It was beautiful.

Nakoa (09:27):

Yeah.

Jacob (09:27):

There was a hot tub moment, I mean, my god, there was an after party. Oh my god.

Nakoa (09:33):

Oh, that after party.

Jacob (09:33):

N-Nicole, N-N-Nicole's poor family was a little traumatized.

Nakoa (09:36):

(laughs)

Jacob (09:36):

It was just, it was a wild wedding night.

Nakoa (09:38):

Oh god. And then shortly after that, um, I think it comes, 2018, me and my husband, ex-husband got separated, um, and then I started hanging out with Jacob and his household a little more. Um, at the time the house was called the Barracks and I lived just about a mile north, so it was easy access to just come out and hang out over here all the time.

Jacob (10:00):

Oh yeah. So, that's one thing that got us really close, I think, is just, is our proximity-

Nakoa (10:05):

Proximity.

Jacob (10:05):

Because, um...

Nakoa (10:05):

Proximity. Proximity. Proximity.

Jacob (10:06):

You know, it's much easier to maintain a friendship when you live close. I mean, and then I was also very fond of Nakoa. We're buds. We're homeys. We go way back, so...

Nakoa (10:13):

I did enjoy a moment where, um, it was like my birthday morning and you're very nice and you're like, "I'll get you breakfast." You came in and like, got me, like, McDonald's breakfast as requested.

Jacob (10:23):

Aw.

Nakoa (10:23):

That was really nice.

Jacob (10:24):

God, I'm sweet. Just kidding.

Nakoa (10:25):

Yeah. You're very generous.

Jacob (10:26):

You're lucky I didn't eat it on the way home. That has happened before. (laughs)

Nakoa (10:29):

Well, you, you buy extra and you eat it along the way.

Jacob (10:32):

Yeah. (laughs)

Nakoa (10:32):

That's, that's what you do, probably need to do.

Nakoa (10:35):

But we definitely have, have many, many moments, like, whether it be with socialing with other people or trips or any kind of just social gathering, we've always just kind of seen each other there.

Jacob (10:45):

I'm not gonna lie, we've had many, many, many sweaty basement moments.

Nakoa (10:48):

(laughs)

Jacob (10:48):

You know? Like, in harn- where you're, like, you know how in 7th grade, your braces get stuck, well, now it's your, your harnesses get stuck-

Weston (10:55):

Sure.

Jacob (10:56):

- In your barracuda.

Weston (10:57):

(laughs)

Nakoa (10:57):

Remember that one time at the Eagle in Seattle?

Jacob (10:59):

Oh, god.

Nakoa (11:00):

(laughs)

Jacob (11:00):

Yeah. I mean...

Nakoa (11:02):

That was a great time.

Jacob (11:02):

We have these, we have main moments where we'd had to say about a word and a half and it's like, "Ope. Jesus."

Nakoa (11:06):

That's the shit. (laughs)

Weston (11:09):

(laughs)

Jacob (11:10):

[crosstalk 00:11:10] But, you, you can't tell that story in front of grandma kind of stories, you know?

Weston (11:12):

Right. Yeah. No, you've, you've had a lot, a lot of hours together.

Jacob (11:14):

Yeah.

Nakoa (11:15):

Yeah.

Weston (11:15):

When did you decide to move in and like, how did, how did that happen? Living together?

Nakoa (11:20):

So, um, me and my ex-husband were finalizing our separation by, um, fixing up our house and, uh, selling it to go our separate ways. Um, I needed a place to live and Jacob was renovating his place and I was like, "Hey. I wanna live here."

Weston (11:41):

Was there like any discussion at all or Nakoa was just like, "I'm gonna move in?"

Jacob (11:45):

Well, it was kinda like, th-the, my basement wasn't, it was livable, like, I lived down, I lived down there for like the first three years I lived here with my ex and we had an office down there and it's, it's a cute little condo, but it didn't have a window and a living room, it was just unfinished. It needed a stove and a microwave, it needed a refrigerator and stuff, so... And, uh, the flooring was like from the eighties, just kind of old as sin. So, when Nakoa was like, "Hey. You know, can I move in?" He would've been perfectly content living down there. He was like, "No. Don't worry about it," but, you know, I wanted to make it a nice place to live, so...

Nakoa (12:14):

And I love it.

Jacob (12:16):

So.

Weston (12:16):

It looks great.

Jacob (12:18):

Well, thanks. Trying to make this place like gay mecca, you know? Like, oh my god. Just, I, I might get a, I wanna get a second hot tub out front just to be like, "Hey. You know. Like, come." You know, it, it gets too crowded, you know?

Jacob (12:30):

Swimming pool.

Nakoa (12:30):

I love the Palm Springs, uh, theme going on.

Jacob (12:32):

Yeah.

Weston (12:33):

You moved in together not too long ago, has, I mean, you moved in before COVID, right?

Nakoa (12:38):

Yes.

Jacob (12:38):

Like, January.

Nakoa (12:38):

January 2020.

Jacob (12:40):

Yeah. So, it's like eight months ago already.

Weston (12:43):

So, like right, right before, basically, the, the quarantine and all that.

Jacob (12:46):

Couldn't have picked a better buddy to, you know, COVID-down with.

Nakoa (12:49):

Yeah.

Jacob (12:50):

You know, quarantine-down with.

Nakoa (12:50):

We've also got others here as well. Kyle and Tony and then the elusive Thomas who's never here. (laughs)

Jacob (12:57):

Yeah.

Nakoa (12:58):

But we've definitely have bonded as a nice-

Jacob (13:01):

Little fam here.

Nakoa (13:01):

- House of, yeah.

Jacob (13:02):

We all get along really well. And, you know, there's enough space here too that it's, you know, everyone, there's kind of three different living, living spaces, so everyone can kinda, you know, has their own place to run off to, which is really nice.

Weston (13:12):

Nice.

Nakoa (13:13):

And a beautiful backyard that's coming together.

Jacob (13:15):

It's getting there.

Nakoa (13:16):

It's a great hangout spot.

Weston (13:17):

So, Jacob, why do you want your house to be a "gay mecca," as you called it?

Jacob (13:23):

I don't know. I just, I love my, my family I was born into, but I also really love my chosen family and your chosen family can change, too. That's the beauty of, of, you know, of the time we're given on this earth is that you get a, you know, like, I've had a lot of different roommates who've come and gone here and Nakoa's like one of my main bros. I know for a fact that if I were in some god-forsaken place, and I had to pick someone to be like, "Oh, dear Jesus. What have I gotten myself into?" Nakoa would understand and he would be there for me.

Nakoa (13:52):

Yeah. I called Jacob my sister-in-crime, but yeah, pretty much just a, yeah, really great buddy.

Jacob (13:57):

Yeah.

Nakoa (13:58):

Someone to come pick me up from the airport and vice versa.

Jacob (14:01):

I mean, let me put it this way, like it's priceless to have someone that you live with that can keep an eye on things. You know, my god, I have a 16-year-old dog that Nakoa's known for most of his life, you know.

Nakoa (14:12):

So cute.

Jacob (14:12):

And Nakoa knows how to care for plants. You gotta have people like that, that you can count on and trust, you know?

Weston (14:18):

Totally.

Nakoa (14:19):

Make you gnocchi.

Weston (14:19):

(laughs)

Jacob (14:20):

Yeah. He feeds me, my god.

Nakoa (14:22):

(laughs)

Jacob (14:22):

Can cook like Giovanni, I love it.

Weston (14:24):

Um, and the last question is, um, like what's something that you have learned from the other one? Or like, what's something you really value about the other person?

Nakoa (14:33):

I value Jacob's generosity.

Jacob (14:35):

Mm, thanks. Um, gosh, there's a lot of things I value about Nakoa and our, our, my, my friendship. I think, I think it's kind of what I said earlier just about someone you can trust, you know, it's, it's hard to come by someone you can literally trust your life with and that's how I feel about Nakoa, so.

Nakoa (14:54):

Aw. Love you, boo-boo.

Jacob (14:54):

I love you, boo-boo, you know?

Weston (15:00):

As Nakoa and Jacob's story shows us, sometimes people are brought together for unexpected reasons. In their case, they each went through a divorce at around the same time and they bonded by supporting each other through that transition. Our next story features two friends who met by accident and despite being very different people with very different lived experiences, they were brought together by their shared interest in spirituality.

Stacey (15:34):

Hi, I'm Stacey Rice. Uh, originally from the mountains of North Carolina and I've been in Portland, Oregon for almost nine years. And I, I identify, uh, as a trans woman.

Seth (15:49):

Very nice.

Elizabeth (15:50):

And I'm Elizabeth Roberts. I'm 80-years-old, I lived in the mountains quite a while as well, but wasn't raised there and, uh, I'm heterosexual.

Seth (16:01):

Welcome.

Weston (16:01):

Wonderful. Cool.

Seth (16:02):

Well, uh, how did you meet?

Stacey (16:06):

(laughs) Well, well, um, I'll get us started, I guess.

Elizabeth (16:10):

You get us started.

Stacey (16:11):

Uh, yeah. Well, it was an incredibly lovely thing that we met. It was probably around 2009. Uh, we were both back in Asheville, North Carolina where we lived. Uh, I didn't know Elizabeth. She didn't know me.

Weston (16:28):

Legend has it that Asheville is built at the intersection of powerful flows of spiritual energy that crisscross the earth known as ley lines. This energy is said to attract people who are seeking answers and spirituality and the metaphysical. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Asheville has something of a reputation for being open-minded and perhaps even a bit eccentric.

Stacey (16:54):

Uh, so you can find everything from the snake-handling-Pentecostals all the way to the E.T. worshipers. I mean, everything in between.

Elizabeth (17:03):

You'll see anything.

Stacey (17:03):

Yeah (laughs).

Seth (17:03):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (17:03):

Absolutely.

Stacey (17:03):

It's, it's a [inaudible 00:17:04] town of 85,000 people, it's pretty incredible.

Seth (17:06):

It's a very unique 85,000.

Stacey (17:07):

Yes (laughs).

Elizabeth (17:09):

Very liberal for the deep south.

Seth (17:11):

Sure. Yeah.

Stacey (17:12):

Yeah. Very much so. Asheville has a lot of oases, which is wonderful and, so, I had been, um, kind of dabbling in the metaphysical world for a long time and I started getting a little bit deeper and I saw at the, the local metaphysical bookshop, they were having an angel circle. The, the woman leading the circle was kind of, uh, she was a psychic and intuitive and she worked a lot with the angelic realm, you know, kind of getting messages for the folks that she read for. And so, she kind of wanted to do this circle where she could talk a little bit about her work, but also go around to each person, do like a little mini reading as she went around the circle. It wasn't quite what I was expecting.

Seth (17:55):

Yeah.

Stacey (17:56):

I was expecting a little bit more, um, education, I guess-

Seth (17:59):

Hm.

Stacey (17:59):

- Kind of about that, but it was more just a reading, but then, but then once this happened I knew, well that was, uh, exactly, in, I mean, if I remember the woman there didn't give me a very good reading either, so (laughs)

Seth (18:09):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (18:10):

You weren't very happy.

Stacey (18:10):

No. (laughs)

Seth (18:10):

(laughs)

Stacey (18:16):

And, uh, well, there's a whole, there's a whole interesting, I-I can go off on a tangent with this, but it's so interesting, the woman who was doing the reading, her partner, uh, was also an incredibly gifted intuitive, and, uh, he and I became fast friends. And I think she was a little bit jealous about that?

Seth (18:32):

(laughs)

Stacey (18:32):

I mean, which, which told me a lot of interesting things, but, but she, anybody she went on the table with, it was like, "Oh, Seth. You're, you're incredibly beautiful with, uh, working in flower." I mean, you just saw her listing all the way around the room and got to me and it was all so positive, then she got to me, she goes, "You hate children." (laughs)

Seth (18:52):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (18:52):

(laughs)

Weston (18:52):

Oh my gosh.

Stacey (18:53):

It was like [crosstalk 00:18:53] illicitly.

Weston (18:53):

What a thing to say.

Seth (18:53):

She just, she just came for you.

Stacey (18:53):

She really did.

Weston (18:53):

(laughs)

Seth (18:53):

[crosstalk 00:18:53] your mom's like...

Stacey (18:53):

A lot of the people were looking at me like I was awful.

Weston (18:53):

Right.

Seth (18:56):

Oh, my god. (laughs)

Stacey (19:10):

It was so bad. And I was trying to debate, I wish now that I had said something, but I didn't. And she just went on for another two or three minutes and it was just really...

Seth (19:20):

(laughs)

Stacey (19:20):

But I said, you know, it was a small price to pay...

Seth (19:22):

Yeah.

Stacey (19:22):

To meet my angel. (laughs)

Weston (19:25):

(laughs)

Seth (19:25):

There's balance in that.

Stacey (19:26):

Yes, exactly. There's balance there.

Seth (19:27):

You know, that's great.

Stacey (19:29):

(laughs) And, uh, then I'll let you take it from there.

Elizabeth (19:31):

And I just wanna preface it, I've been involved with following of the spiritual path since the seventies in Southern California, so that was quite the time for discovering yourself. But at this point, I'd lived almost 30 years in Asheville, North Carolina. But anyway, I had a friend who gave me a birthday present and I took the money and decided to go to the angel circle because I loved those sorts of things. We're going around introducing ourselves and it got to me and I said, "Well, you know, I, in meditation recently, was guided to work with the transgender community." I was, at that time, doing hypnotherapy, particularly past life aggressions and spiritual journeys and that kind of thing. And I kept, sorta, arguing with this because, as I said, I've never met a transgendered person. And I don't understand, you know, this when I don't even know a transgendered person.

Stacey (20:29):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (20:30):

So, at the end, at the end everything's breaking up and the gal that I went with said, "The lady in the red dress really wants to talk to you," something along that line. And I looked over and here was this tall, beautiful woman in a red dress (laughs).

Stacey (20:45):

(laughs)

Seth (20:45):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (20:45):

She did.

Stacey (20:50):

(laughs) I, I know it was-

Elizabeth (20:50):

Until, til you took my hand at that point.

Stacey (20:51):

Well... I have say when it got to Elizabeth and she started telling her story, I mean, my mouth just dropped open when she said she hadn't met anybody who was transgendered before. I'm thinking, "What? What is going on here?" Um...

Seth (21:08):

It's a real stars aligned moment right there, yeah.

Stacey (21:10):

Oh.

Seth (21:11):

That's beautiful.

Stacey (21:12):

So, oh. So much so, it's really...

Elizabeth (21:15):

The way it was supposed to be, obviously.

Seth (21:17):

Yeah.

Stacey (21:17):

It's incredible how the universe works. I mean it really is. And so, I, at the break, I mean, back in the South, I mean, there's amazing, lovely things about the South, but it's a pretty hard place if you're LGBTQ+ there and so, you're not... I mean, you're usually not out much back there, uh, just because of lots of factors, especially as a trans person, safety, for sure. (laughs)

Seth (21:41):

Yeah.

Stacey (21:42):

Uh, you know those kinds of things. So, but I didn't hesitate. I went, you know, uh, at the break I walked out over to Elizabeth and said, "Hi, Elizabeth. I'm Stacey. You just met your first trans person." (laughs)

Seth (21:52):

(laughs)

Stacey (21:56):

And you let out a big scream. She was so happy (laughs).

Elizabeth (22:01):

Oh, gosh. It's just what I needed, you know? How was I gonna follow this path if I didn't even know where to start?

Seth (22:10):

Yeah, absolutely.

Stacey (22:10):

So amazing. (laughs)

Seth (22:10):

That's fantastic.

Weston (22:11):

Wow.

Seth (22:11):

Huh.

Elizabeth (22:11):

Well, that was the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful friendship. At that point, Stacey was in a situation, as she said in the Deep South, where she had to be very careful. And so there were, I felt, there was great loneliness there.

Stacey (22:25):

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Elizabeth (22:26):

Stacey's not only very beautiful, but is very, very bright and she's sorta had to downplay everything in her life and had very little excitement going on.

Stacey (22:38):

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Elizabeth (22:39):

Very little excitement.

Stacey (22:39):

That's true.

Seth (22:40):

Yeah.

Elizabeth (22:42):

[inaudible 00:22:42] that situation. So, then after my husband and I moved out here 'cause I have family in the Portland area, Stacey came to visit. She was barely off the plane before she said, "I'm home."

Stacey (22:55):

(laughs)

Seth (22:55):

Aw.

Weston (22:56):

During her visit, Stacey fell in love with the Pacific Northwest. She made the decision to pack up her life and within six months, she was starting fresh in Portland. Stacey stayed with Elizabeth's daughter until she was able to find her own place and started volunteering at the Q Center, an LGBTQ community organization. Volunteering eventually turned into an admin job at the Q Center, which eventually led to Stacey taking on the mantel of Executive Director. Moving to Portland changed Stacey's life. For one, it enabled her to live much more openly and authentically. But Stacey moving had a big impact on Elizabeth as well.

Elizabeth (23:38):

When she talks about I'm her angel, but she's mine too.

Stacey (23:41):

(laughs)

Seth (23:42):

Yeah.

Elizabeth (23:42):

Because, you know, now when you reach my age, as I said, I'm 80, um, things become a little harder to do and so forth and Stacey's the kind of friend that'll pick up the phone and say, "Let's go on an adventure."

Seth (23:54):

Oh, that's nice.

Elizabeth (23:55):

She comes and she picks me up. We head off, you know, she's just, is just wonderful.

Stacey (24:03):

Oh, love. You're so sweet.

Seth (24:03):

For real.

Elizabeth (24:04):

You know, you never know what kind of trouble you're gonna get into.

Weston (24:07):

Yeah. That kind of leads into a question I wanted to ask, which is, besides, you have this chance encounter, what brought you together besides just, you know, you meet, but like, what, what really made you become such great friends so quickly?

Elizabeth (24:18):

Part of it was the, the spirituality.

Weston (24:20):

Mm.

Elizabeth (24:22):

Stacey was... I've been at this, I, I was looking into the spiritual world, so to speak. Back in the days when if I had talked about past life aggressions and other things, they'd a probably put me in a f-funny farm.

Stacey (24:35):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (24:35):

It was one night, I was born in 1940 and I was the daughter of a episcopal minister, so...

Seth (24:42):

Oh, yeah. (laughs)

Stacey (24:42):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (24:43):

You know... And so, I had to pursue that in the kind of shadow world almost, that Stacey had to be in as a...

Stacey (24:51):

Oh, that's true.

Elizabeth (24:52):

And I had never really thought of this til this moment.

Stacey (24:53):

No, I hadn't either. (laughs)

Elizabeth (24:54):

It's the same thing of having to be quiet about how I really felt and who I really was for many, many years. And, um, Stacey was just this wonderful, blossoming flower that was beginning to discover all of this that had taken me years to discover, you know? It was just such fun. She started, uh, reading angel cards...

Stacey (25:19):

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Elizabeth (25:20):

And she began to do readings for me. I was her guinea pig.

Stacey (25:24):

(laughs)

Elizabeth (25:24):

What a delight, you know?

Seth (25:26):

Yeah. Yeah. That's very nice.

Stacey (25:28):

Well, I have to say too, I-I mean I'm, I'm sure y'all already recognize this, but she's an incredible, beautiful light, this soul is. Um, and to everybody that meets, her feels the same way and so, when we, when I went up to her during the break and introduced myself, I could see that this was just an incredible, beautiful soul.

Seth (25:48):

Mm.

Stacey (25:48):

And... Who doesn't wanna hang out with beautiful souls? You know? (laughs)

Seth (25:53):

Yeah. Absolutely.

Stacey (25:53):

That you could tell was, uh, was accepting and loving because you don't know sometimes.

Elizabeth (26:01):

We don't love each other, do we?

Stacey (26:01):

(laughs)

Seth (26:03):

No. No. No, not at all (laughs).

Stacey (26:05):

(laughs)

Weston (26:05):

Well, I think the fact that you walked up to Elizabeth and said, "Hi, I'm Stacey. You just met your first trans person," like, says a lot about what your first impressions were because you were living in this place where you didn't feel comfortable at the time.

Elizabeth (26:19):

Right.

Weston (26:19):

Being so upfront about who you were.

Stacey (26:21):

Oh my. That's a great point because I have to say, I was, I sit there, you know, because my mind was kind of circling like, "What had just happened here? I didn't know it when she said this." And I did go back and forth like, "Should I actually go up and introduce myself?" I mean, and, but then I just realized, "Well, no, if she was lovely enough to say that in a group of people that she didn't even know and would hopefully expect there to be a good response to that, um...

Seth (26:51):

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Stacey (26:51):

... That I think I just need to do it." And, and then of course, there was more reasons behind that I didn't know, but I needed to go do it, so, yeah. She made it pretty easy, actually. I mean, I mean as we know, I mean it, it's a, it is a hard thing to come out to folks, you know?

Seth (27:10):

Mm.

Stacey (27:10):

Um, we never know... W-well we know, most of the time we think we-we may know, but other times we don't know how somebody will accept us or, or, or be okay with who we tell them that we are, so, yeah. We all take those chances.

Elizabeth (27:29):

And what an education for me having had, I mean, I, I was aware, uh, and had friends who were gay and so forth, but the transgender world was a whole, whole new thing for me. I could ask Stacey any questions.

Stacey (27:45):

Oh, yeah. I mean, it was, uh, 'cause, you know, you know, I mean you could always tell when people are coming from a good place with their questions-

Seth (27:51):

Yeah.

Stacey (27:51):

- Maybe they don't quite know the terminology or, or whatever.

Elizabeth (27:55):

Right.

Stacey (27:56):

But, or how to maybe put things exactly right. But no, I always knew that she would just be there with love. She's a curious, from a loving heartfelt place and, uh, I mean, yeah, it's been, it's, it's just, and I do call her my angel.

Elizabeth (28:12):

(laughs)

Stacey (28:12):

I mean, she, she, she really is. I mean, I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like without this angel coming into my life.

Elizabeth (28:23):

I can pick up the phone anytime, day or night, and say, "Stacey, I need you," and she'd be there. I mean, she's just that, that beautiful, beautiful friend that everybody longs for to have in their lives.

Seth (28:37):

Yeah. Somebody truly dependable?

Elizabeth (28:39):

Dependable and loving and very wise, um, and sees things from the same spiritual viewpoint that I do.

Seth (28:48):

Mm.

Elizabeth (28:49):

That is very important too, when you're, when, particularly if you're talking about changes in your life or the future or whatever, uh, someone that comes from the same viewpoint as Stacey does.

Weston (29:02):

Someone who really understands you.

Elizabeth (29:04):

Right. Really understands you, yes. Absolutely.

Weston (29:07):

Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Seth (29:08):

That's sweet.

Elizabeth (29:08):

And, uh, I just can't imagine life without her.

Seth (29:12):

Aw. (laughs)

Stacey (29:12):

(laughs)

Seth (29:12):

That's so sweet.

Elizabeth (29:14):

It wouldn't be the same.

Stacey (29:14):

Ditto.

Elizabeth (29:14):

It wouldn't be the same.

Stacey (29:14):

Ditto.

Stacey (29:27):

Hi, this is Stacey. If you'd like to find out more about me and what I am up to these days, you can go to my website: staceyrice.com, the Stacey with an -E.Y. or you can swing by my Instagram page @staceyricepdx. Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.

Weston (29:56):

All right, everybody. That's our show. Thank you so much for listening. We can't tell you how much we appreciate it. If you haven't already, please leave us a five-star rating and a review. These reviews really help us get discovered and they mean so much to us, we love reading them. Also, if you are looking for more excellent queer content, then please subscribe to our Patreon. For only $5 a month, you can get access to Sunday Brunch. Sunday Brunch is filled with even more of the great queer content that you've come to love on Queer Meets Queer. Next week, we will feature extended outtakes from our interview with Stacey and Elizabeth. They ask each other some really wonderful questions and, um, it's just an absolute joy to listen to them express how much their friendship means to each other.

Weston (30:44):

All right. Thanks so much. Stay safe. If you listened to this on Thanksgiving, then we hope you had a really wonderful, yummy meal and we'll see you next time. Thanks.